My Mission Statement

Here in a creaky and worn, slightly slanted rocking chair at my apartment in Enumclaw, at the recent age of 28 years, on this day, March 11, 2012, I have decided to make artistic excellence my life’s endeavor.

First and foremost I will fight and work to use my talents to bring glory to God. I may not succeed in this goal, but I will pray that God will guide my eye, my heart, my mind, and my hand to further His Kingdom and portray, to the best of my ability, His radiance and truth. I have no starting point, nor do I have any inkling as to where I will begin, so with my current objective being the preparation of artwork for a show in this small farming community in the coming month of September, I will demonstrate patience and skill. At the very least, I want the amount of observable effort going into the works to marvel the viewer.

I am also making it my mission to learn digital art and design by going to DigiPen in Redmond. At this time, I need only to finish my application and do a small series of portraits and figure drawings from life in order to show my observation and rendering skills. I trust that God will bless this endeavor if it is His will to do so. I will lean on prayer and the unfolding of God’s plan in my life to direct this path.

I hereby dedicate myself to the study of art, both ancient and contemporary, with everything in between. In order to do so, I will utilize the internet, books, museums, classes, galleries, and the knowledge of other artists. I will compile a list of links to books available on Amazon, for future purchase, in order to contribute to my intake of art and knowledge. I will shop at second hand bookstores to find treasures. I will find books that are written by artists, as well as biographers and historians.

In all of this, I will endeavor to be patient and content. I will aim at glorifying God, and learning what it means to do so. If I begin to get stressed, overwhelmed, tired, negative, spiritually deadened, and/or artistically stagnant, I will look towards scripture for inspiration and invigoration; I will also not be afraid to take a nap. I will not shun friends, but will shun unhelpful distractions. I will let the day unfold and will not watch the clock.

I will not be afraid to be creative. I will heed advice, but will not let others rule my art. I will think about how my art may relate to viewers, but I will not pander to the audience. I will not be afraid to be original. I will not be afraid to be traditional. I will try to the best of my ability to be sincere and genuine.

I will heed the advice of Kurt Vonnegut on the subject of art.

“The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”

And I will attempt to apply his guide to writing to my art practice:

1.    Find a subject you care about.

2.     
Do not ramble, though.

3.     
Keep it simple.


4.     Have the guts to cut.

5.     
Sound like yourself.


6.     Say what you mean to say.


7.     Pity the readers.

The Dating Site Dilemma

Don't register with a dating site. Even if you're lonely. It's not the answer, although it may lead you to it.

I'll explain:

Dating sites work for some people. At the least, one may find a friend or a boost of encouragement from their experience with a dating site. At the very least, the dating site may be able to film an awfully awkward hidden-camera commercial of a first date, where the guy uses some 'wit' and the woman giggles or guffaws. At the lowest, you'll have an inbox full of winks, nudges, smiles, prods, and waves from people you don't know, you don't really want to know, and you don't really want to know you.

I'm all for meeting new people, but let's be honest. Let's tell the whole story. You're sitting there on your computer checking your facebook, seeing all of the greener pastures that your friends are munching on, and you sigh. All of a sudden, you see this magical link to a dating site that promises love to the lonely. You're a Christian? Try Christianmingle! You're in college? Try Coedsingles. You're a homeless person? Try Shareacardboardbox! So, with your interest piqued, you click on the link.

Look at all these pictures of happy people! They're riding bicycles and laughing. They're giving piggyback rides and laughing. They're on a dinner date and laughing. One of them must be pretty funny. Well, you're funny, right? Of course! You're encouraged. So you start filling out a profile.

You don't want to give too much information to this site; none of that billing stuff or upgraded profiles (just the basics, please!). You just want to see what sort of reaction you'll get. You choose your words wisely, trying to craft the most sharp and clear portrayal of your interests and likes and hobbies and preferences. It's so clear and precise that it's like looking directly into the sun. You blind them.

But let's not go crazy and start posting our photos or anything. First we want to see our prospects. Let's browse. Well, first let's narrow down what we want in a potential date. Let's uncheck all of the 'more to love' and 'may need some exercise' boxes. Okay, now we can start looking in our area.

You've gone through about four pages of profiles with maybe a couple of books that look interesting when judged by their covers. Lo and behold, now you've hit a possible genuine page-turner. Let's check the profile. Likes movies. I like movies! Likes having fun. I like having fun! Likes a good time. Wow! These are the same sort of vague insinuations I made on my profile! We're two of a kind!

Smile. Wink. Nudge. Prod. Wave. Can't send a message, because I'm not paying for that service. We'll just see if we can't communicate some other way. Maybe morse code through the use of smiles. I should probably add a photo now, so they can see my face. Let's just make sure it's the diamond in the rough. The tropical island in a sea of bad or old photos.

And we wait.

And we check.

And we have received smiles and nods and etc. But not from the leather-bound Book of the Month. It's from all of these grocery store book aisle titles. They're all mass market paperbacks. So we shun them.

And we wait.

And we check.

And we have received more smiles and nods and etc. From more paperbacks. We shun them.

And we repeat.

And we realize that this is pointless, because we started this whole journey with a specific sort of person in mind. We wanted to find "Anna Karenina" (not literally, because she was an adulterer) and we found "Tempest of Torture" and "Bubbles in my Cereal" (not real titles, but the best generic titles I could come up with). We weren't really looking for a tide of strangers to engulf us, but that's what happened. And guess what? We were part of the tide of people that engulfed the person that held our interest. It's messy and unorganized. It's tough and cutthroat. It's a jumble of not-so-accurate profiles and best-picture-I-could-finds and I'm-of-average-weight-because-I'm-not-as-large-as-that-large-mammal-that-I-see-everyday-on-the-buses.

And then you realize that it may not be right to try and force something, but that it may be better to focus on how you can interact and meet a person in-person, without seeming like a grocery store item, but instead like a mysterious treasure. You see that it may be worth the heartache and trouble and hard-work of getting to know somebody through an organic process, because then you really get to know them and appreciate them, much like the difference between discovering a new band and being told to "listen to this new band". You find the worth in the new band instead of being sold on the worth of the new band. It will be much more satisfying and lasting as you unearth the treasures hidden within the other person, instead of having them advertised in a partially-inaccurate light.

So, please, if you must use a dating service, it would be advantageous to think about these things. You may think that I'm way off - that this blog has a mix of superficiality, selfishness, and cynicism. There may be some truth to that. I think it's more about honesty, though. I think that dating sites, though convenient, fun, and even sometimes helpful or rewarding, can be a hindrance to character growth and self-examination. But I don't purport to know everything and I can't say that it hasn't worked for many people. That's why this blog is titled "The Dating Site Dilemma"

Wink.

John Owen Improves My Mood: Part 1 of 1

First, here is a little recap of the events of my day (in no particular order):

-Fiddled around with my guitar

-Paid rent with Craig, then visited Sonic for a tasty burger

-Spent a couple hours drawing a pretty picture, but had to stop when the sun disappeared

-Spent too much time on the internets

-Played with my Christmas gift, DJ Hero 2 (DJ Upandadam on the wheels of steel!)

-Watched part 3 of the Overblood 2 Super Replay (Ever since I discovered gameinformer.com I've been addicted to their Replay segments. Nerdy to the extreme, but often hilarious. I would particularly recommend watching the Tail of the Sun Super Replay or the original Overblood Super Replay. Excuse me while I retire to my Nerdery)

-Cleaned the living room a little bit

-Attempted to read about taxes regarding my new business, until my brain hurt (so about two minutes after starting)

-Watched some classic SNL on Youtube

Here ends the list.

I'm always trying to cram as many things as I can into my day, but I still end up feeling like my day doesn't quite register as a day well-spent. I end up wondering if my life isn't quite where it should be and what I should maybe do to improve it. I know that I should look to God in times of struggle instead of relying on my own power, but for some reason that always seems like I'm giving up. Yet I know that God is the living water that fills my soul, so tonight when I was feeling bitter and frustrated I decided to look through my book collection to see if a book looked enticing. I spotted 'Communion with the Triune God' by the Puritan John Owen and remembered the joy that I had when I used to read it. The man has an empowering way with words. This is what I read tonight:

"...what a safe and sweet retreat is here for the saints, in all the scorns, reproaches, scandals, misrepresentations which they undergo in the world. When a child is abused abroad in the streets by strangers, he runs with speed to the bosom of his father; there he makes his complaint and is comforted. In all the hard censures and tongue-persecutions which the saints meet with in the streets of the world, they may run with their moanings unto their Father and be comforted. 'As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you,' says the Lord (Isa. 66:13). So that the soul may say, 'If I have hatred in the world, I will go where I am sure of love. Though all others are hard to me, yet my Father is tender and full of compassion: I will go to him, and satisfy myself in him. Here I am accounted vile, frowned on and rejected; but I have honor and love with him, whose kindness is better than life itself. There I shall have all things in the fountain, which others have but in the drops. There is in my Father's love every thing desirable: there is the sweetness of all mercies in the abstract itself, and that fully and durably.'"

What a blessing it was to read that. I felt in my heart a fullness that had been missing all day.

He even addressed another mindset I've had lately, which is whether or not God can love me when I don't often feel any love for Him.

"'I cannot find my heart making returns of love unto God. Could I find my soul set upon him, I could then believe his soul delighted in me.' This is the most preposterous course that possibly your thoughts can pitch upon, a most ready way to rob God of his glory. 'Herein is love,' (1 John 4:10-11). Now, you would invert this order, and say, 'Herein is love, not that God loved me, but that I loved him first.' This is to take the glory of God from him: that, whereas he loves us without a cause that is in ourselves, and we have all cause in the world to love him, you would have the contrary, namely, that something should be in you for which God should love you, even your love to him; and that you should love God, before you know anything lovely in him - namely, whether he love you or not. This is a course of flesh's finding out that will never bring glory to God, nor peace to your own soul. Lay down, then, your reasonings; take up the love of the Father upon a pure act of believing, and that will open your soul to let it out unto the Lord in the communion of love."

It's amazing to think of God's love being laid upon me even while I struggle at times to love Him. 

And so, my mood was boosted. Thanks to God. And to his instrument, John Owen.

Shine on You Crazy Diamond!

A crisp chill is in the air, snow glides on the breeze, and the hills are white with a fresh fall.

Hmmmmmm, it's winter again.

That's a good "Hmmmmmm", by the way. Like you've just settled down for a long winter's nap.

I have a special Top 5 for my blog tonight.

Adam's Top 5 Winter Wonderland (Non-Christmas) Albums

These are the albums that go best with driving in the cold weather, relaxing by a warm fire, or making a nice and comfortable winter meal.

Perhaps even playing a board game or two. Or a piecing together a puzzle.

I don't know what you do with your time.

But I know what you should do with your ears.

You should pop these in and listen.

1. "Wish You Were Here" - Pink Floyd

Probably my favorite Pink Floyd album (Only probably; Dark Side is so good!), this one is a winter album if only for the laid back tempo, icy keyboards, and melodic bluesy guitar. There are only 5 songs on this album, and two of them aren't necessarily wintery. "Welcome to the Machine" and "Have a Cigar" are both extraordinary, but they don't scream "lows in the 20's" like the others. The title track is more or less applicable to any season, with a certain timeless, albeit contemplative, quality. What really makes this album a winter wonderland is the 25 minutes of bread that sandwiches the other three songs. "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" makes visions of sugarplums dance in your head. It may be a song about Syd Barrett losing his mind, but perhaps you can imagine that the words "crazy diamond" refer to snowflakes. Shine on.

2. The Royal Tenenbaums Soundtrack

I'm not going to go into the specifics of each and every song on this album, but I will say that Mark Mothersbaugh's original compositions for this film's score are some of the best short tunes to play while relaxing by a cozy fire with a good book in your hands and a mug of hot cocoa at your side. There are a few oddball songs that mix up the mood a little bit ("Police and Thieves", "Me and Julio", and "Jackie is a Punk"), but they're all classically great and the rest of the album acts as a sort of tonal spine. This is also a great walking in the snow, listening to my iPod album, or a driving to the folks' house, admiring the mountains and snowy trees collection. It's royal. See what I did there?

3. "For Emma, Forever Ago" - Bon Iver

I've been told I resemble Justin Vernon. I don't know. He's a little chubby. This album was recorded in a cabin. That's wintery right there. But it is the finely pitched singing and harmonics that give this album a truly snowy feeling. You feel like you're right there in the cabin with him as he strums on his guitar. All of a sudden three spirits show up (kind of like "A Christmas Carol") and they sing the background harmonies. You're just sitting there, wide-eyed, with a wondrous look on your face, taking it all in. And you live happily ever after.

4. "Pet Sounds" - The Beach Boys

Okay. Really strange choice. They're the "Beach Boys", after all. Beach? Winter? I know, I know. But this isn't a beach album. This is a life album. The songs on this album are about love, loss, growing up, trusting one another, friendship, not feeling normal, etc. Okay, that's all well and good, but how is it wintery? That's a good question. I don't really know how to explain it. It could be the melodies or the harmonies or the musical textures or the ambient sounds or the thoughtfulness (which, to me, is kind of a wintery thing; in the summer I'm more preoccupied with having fun than thinking). Just give it a good listen while enjoying the snow and maybe you'll see what I mean.

5. "Preemptive Strike" - Dj Shadow

I had to throw in a hip-hop flavor. DJ Shadow has built his career on creating stories through his entirely sample driven music. At his best, he creates soundtracks for the soul, at his worst, he makes a funky beat.  While this album may not be as groundbreaking as "Endtroducing" or as experimental as "The Private Press", it is short, cold, minimal, and a good introduction to Shadow's sound. The entire album is without lyrics, but it has hints of people's voices, dashes of dialogue, and a strange feeling of connection to people, while also being completely alone. It's odd. Maybe you'll get what I'm saying when you listen to this:

Welp, I'm not sure if this was super successful (successful: yes; super: hm?), but it was at the very least a hastily thrown together look at some fine music.

And that's all that really matters.

The Difficulties of Being an Artist (or Trying to be an Artist)

Right now it's 11:15 on a Wednesday night. I'm tired, but I don't want to go to sleep because I have to work tomorrow. I can't avoid it, but I try to by making my days longer. That makes no sense. I never claimed that it did.

The problem is that my job is not fulfilling. Don't get me wrong. I like my coworkers, I like that I have a job, I like that it isn't completely abysmal; I just don't want to work there anymore. My creativity is stifled. It's snuffed. My life feels like non stop rice cakes. Plain and uninteresting and tasteless and monotonous and a struggle to get through. In fact, the next person that asks me how I'm doing will get the response, "Rice Cakes". I think I've invented a new turn of phrase. Let's get it to catch.

My only desire and wish and hope is to get my art career going, or at least to get a job that is creatively fulfilling and not all about other people's money. I want to touch souls through art. I want people to jump into my paintings like they're in Mary Poppins. I want to create, inspire, and creatively inspire. And perspire. Creatively.

I have hurdles, though. Money being one. But money isn't everything. And it certainly is no excuse. Just look at Jean Michel Basquiat. Another obstacle is my imagination. Or maybe it's my self-editor. I feel like my imagination is great, but my self-editor takes dumps all over my ideas. This last week I felt super excited to start a whole series of paintings based on new beginnings and old remnants. I was jazzed. I wrote out an entire list of plans for where I was going with my series. I even started on a couple of sketches. I even painted a picture. But then I looked at Bo Bartlett's paintings. I realized I was painting things that I thought would sell, not things I wanted to paint. But then I asked myself, "What do you want to paint?" And I had no answer. So I began to look through more Bo Bartlett works. And I became discouraged, because he knows what he wants to paint. He has a style. He has a language. He owns it. He paints his passion and it is obvious. You read his interest. You read his sincerity. You read his emotion. You read his beliefs. And all through a simple painting. I don't even know where to begin. I don't even understand how anybody does that. I may even say that only 0.5 percent of artists know how to do that. You have to be an artistic genius.

And that is frustrating. I've always been at the top of my class when it came to rendering objects through drawing and painting. I've been good at finding emotion. I've been good at finding interesting compositions. I've been good at proportion, structure, shading, color choice, etc. But here I am, dreading going to work tomorrow at a job that has nothing to do with my talents. And here I am, drawing a complete blank in terms of what I love. Because I want to paint what I love. But I don't even know what I love. I guess there are things that I have loved all of my life. My family. My friends. God. Books. Movies. Video Games.

Video games are out of the question. I'm not interested in painting them. Movies, too. I've been there, done that. If someone wants a commission of Clint Eastwood, I'll do it. Otherwise, I'm done with that. Books may be interesting. Scenes, characters, authors, settings...there may be potential there. But it doesn't grab me. God is impossible to paint. I could paint scenes from the Bible, but I could never do them justice. They've already been done as well as possible. Plus, a picture may be worth a thousand words, but a thousand words of Scripture is well beyond any thousands of pictures. I suppose any work that truly is of worth can demonstrate some aspect of truth and therefore of spirituality and reality and therefore may point to God in a very real way, so it's not out of the question. My friends are a possibility. I've already had a handful that are willing to pose for me. I need to get on that. My family may be an option. They're good people.

I'm just so discouraged right now. In a funk. I look at the Bartletts and the Hoppers and the Van Goghs and the Monets and the Basquiats and the Rembrandts of the world and I don't know how I'll ever even approach them. I read the Tolstoys and the Chestertons and the Dostoevskys and the Dickenses and the McCarthys of the world and I see that they were geniuses and I get envious and impatient and discouraged. All I want is to bring the subtle and lasting joys to people that these incredible men have brought to me. And I'm clueless as to how I can do that. And I know that all day tomorrow at work I'm just going to be thinking about how great life would be if I was a full-time artist, living my passion, touching lives, embracing people. And I know that after work, when I get home, I'll have no idea where to start and I'll be impatient and restless all over again.

Thank you for reading my rant. I'm obviously discontent right now. I should probably get some sleep.

Best Back-to-Back Bumps

I tend to observe how albums are put together. I like to listen to them all the way through a few times in order to feel out how the artist arranged the song order. Song order is humongously important. When I put together mixes, they must flow in such a way that each song feeds into the next and while also drawing from the previous. I like contrast. I like subtle changes in tempo. So, I got to thinking. What albums that I own have the greatest back to back combos? Those two songs that were placed so perfectly and so geniusly that the artist themselves must have been blown away. Here's a list of some of my favorites:

Eels - "Railroad Man", "The Other Shoe"

This one two combo was the first that popped into my mind. "Railroad Man" is all about how a man feels when he can't relate to the people around him or the life that they lead. It's a personal favorite of mine, as I can relate to sometimes feeling like everyone around me is living lives that are exciting or successful. It is also about contentment with yourself, which I really admire about the lyrics. They are smart and deep, while also being accessible and singable. And the instrumental backing is like the Piano coda in "Layla", being pure musical bliss with some very emotive slide guitar. "The Other Shoe" follows that up with a much darker and rebellious feel. It explores similar territory, however, and runs parallel with Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone", in that it expresses the warning against pride and decadence. Plus, E explodes in high-pitched hoots towards the climax of the song. And I'm a sucker for explosions of emotion in music.

The Kinks - "Some Mother's Son", "Drivin'"

Part of their "Arthur" concept album, "Some Mother's Son" and "Drivin'" are a perfect contrast to each other. "Some Mother's Son" is a stirring song about war and death and memories and family. It explores the instinctual emotions that a son has for his mother and a mother for her son. A fantasticly written song with lyrics that couldn't be much better, it is a rather depressing and somber tune. Follow that with "Drivin'" a happy ditty about forgetting one's worries and taking the car out with some friends to enjoy the countryside. It plays beautifully after "Some Mother's Son", as it actually contains a subtle reference to war. This adds a dynamic tension to the song that would be lost if the songs were not played together. It would just be about driving instead of being about temporal distractions, universal truths of life and death, class differences, and ignorance.

Bruce Springsteen - "State Trooper", "Used Cars"

I couldn't find a clip of "Used Cars", but Youtube it and there're a few decent covers.

Originally split to sides A and B, "State Trooper" and "Used Cars" are exemplary together. While it may make more sense to try and pair "Highway Patrolman" and "State Trooper", since they are linked by the same themes of regret, law, and pursuit, while also being two opposite viewpoints on either side of the law, I think "Used Cars" really fits well with "State Trooper". "State Trooper" is about a man who has lived his whole life in regret and on the run, trying to forget the things that he's done while also getting away with his transgressions. It ends with some hoots. I love hoots. Especially surprise hoots that Bruce pushes out with great force. "Used Cars" is about a boy, or young man, who promises himself that he will never have to buy a used car when he grows up. There's a beautiful balance of pride and shame towards his family and you can see the repurcussions of being an outsider among more successful folks. Played together you have two stories that could work as one. A tremendously American album, "Nebraska" should be owned by every redblooded American.

So, there's three collections of songs that I love and find to be best when played side by side. What sort of songs do you think work the best together?

Survey in the Vein of MySpace Yesteryears

Current guilty pleasure: Red Mill Burgers (I'm a fat fat fatty)

Current color: Steely blue (as a skin tone when I paint)

Current playlist: In between Led Zeppelin and The Who, I've been on a Matt Chandler sermon binge.

Current read: Man in a Blue Scarf, by Martin Gayford

Current drink: Water. Although I've been trying this health drink called Fuze lately. It's decent.

Current food: Chipotle and Katina's Kitchen

Current favorite show: Justified, tied with Parks and Rec

Current wish list: A place of my own.

Current needs: To sell some paintings!

Current triumphs: I have a new muse for painting. His name is Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Current bane of my existence: That inch or two of "stubborn belly fat" (thank you commercials about weight loss for the perfect descriptor) that won't go away.

Current celebrity crush: I don't know. I like the exotic looks of Mila Kunis.

Current indulgence: Board games. Nerd.

Current blessing: Possible new job.

Current outfit: Khaki slacks for work, Gold toe socks, and a screen printed t-shirt that reads "Kenney XXL Athletic Department"

Current excitement: Painting this portrait of Fyodor.

Current mood: Slightly anxious (have to go to work)

Current link: Man In a Blue Scarf, a must read for artists.