The Dating Site Dilemma

Don't register with a dating site. Even if you're lonely. It's not the answer, although it may lead you to it.

I'll explain:

Dating sites work for some people. At the least, one may find a friend or a boost of encouragement from their experience with a dating site. At the very least, the dating site may be able to film an awfully awkward hidden-camera commercial of a first date, where the guy uses some 'wit' and the woman giggles or guffaws. At the lowest, you'll have an inbox full of winks, nudges, smiles, prods, and waves from people you don't know, you don't really want to know, and you don't really want to know you.

I'm all for meeting new people, but let's be honest. Let's tell the whole story. You're sitting there on your computer checking your facebook, seeing all of the greener pastures that your friends are munching on, and you sigh. All of a sudden, you see this magical link to a dating site that promises love to the lonely. You're a Christian? Try Christianmingle! You're in college? Try Coedsingles. You're a homeless person? Try Shareacardboardbox! So, with your interest piqued, you click on the link.

Look at all these pictures of happy people! They're riding bicycles and laughing. They're giving piggyback rides and laughing. They're on a dinner date and laughing. One of them must be pretty funny. Well, you're funny, right? Of course! You're encouraged. So you start filling out a profile.

You don't want to give too much information to this site; none of that billing stuff or upgraded profiles (just the basics, please!). You just want to see what sort of reaction you'll get. You choose your words wisely, trying to craft the most sharp and clear portrayal of your interests and likes and hobbies and preferences. It's so clear and precise that it's like looking directly into the sun. You blind them.

But let's not go crazy and start posting our photos or anything. First we want to see our prospects. Let's browse. Well, first let's narrow down what we want in a potential date. Let's uncheck all of the 'more to love' and 'may need some exercise' boxes. Okay, now we can start looking in our area.

You've gone through about four pages of profiles with maybe a couple of books that look interesting when judged by their covers. Lo and behold, now you've hit a possible genuine page-turner. Let's check the profile. Likes movies. I like movies! Likes having fun. I like having fun! Likes a good time. Wow! These are the same sort of vague insinuations I made on my profile! We're two of a kind!

Smile. Wink. Nudge. Prod. Wave. Can't send a message, because I'm not paying for that service. We'll just see if we can't communicate some other way. Maybe morse code through the use of smiles. I should probably add a photo now, so they can see my face. Let's just make sure it's the diamond in the rough. The tropical island in a sea of bad or old photos.

And we wait.

And we check.

And we have received smiles and nods and etc. But not from the leather-bound Book of the Month. It's from all of these grocery store book aisle titles. They're all mass market paperbacks. So we shun them.

And we wait.

And we check.

And we have received more smiles and nods and etc. From more paperbacks. We shun them.

And we repeat.

And we realize that this is pointless, because we started this whole journey with a specific sort of person in mind. We wanted to find "Anna Karenina" (not literally, because she was an adulterer) and we found "Tempest of Torture" and "Bubbles in my Cereal" (not real titles, but the best generic titles I could come up with). We weren't really looking for a tide of strangers to engulf us, but that's what happened. And guess what? We were part of the tide of people that engulfed the person that held our interest. It's messy and unorganized. It's tough and cutthroat. It's a jumble of not-so-accurate profiles and best-picture-I-could-finds and I'm-of-average-weight-because-I'm-not-as-large-as-that-large-mammal-that-I-see-everyday-on-the-buses.

And then you realize that it may not be right to try and force something, but that it may be better to focus on how you can interact and meet a person in-person, without seeming like a grocery store item, but instead like a mysterious treasure. You see that it may be worth the heartache and trouble and hard-work of getting to know somebody through an organic process, because then you really get to know them and appreciate them, much like the difference between discovering a new band and being told to "listen to this new band". You find the worth in the new band instead of being sold on the worth of the new band. It will be much more satisfying and lasting as you unearth the treasures hidden within the other person, instead of having them advertised in a partially-inaccurate light.

So, please, if you must use a dating service, it would be advantageous to think about these things. You may think that I'm way off - that this blog has a mix of superficiality, selfishness, and cynicism. There may be some truth to that. I think it's more about honesty, though. I think that dating sites, though convenient, fun, and even sometimes helpful or rewarding, can be a hindrance to character growth and self-examination. But I don't purport to know everything and I can't say that it hasn't worked for many people. That's why this blog is titled "The Dating Site Dilemma"

Wink.

John Owen Improves My Mood: Part 1 of 1

First, here is a little recap of the events of my day (in no particular order):

-Fiddled around with my guitar

-Paid rent with Craig, then visited Sonic for a tasty burger

-Spent a couple hours drawing a pretty picture, but had to stop when the sun disappeared

-Spent too much time on the internets

-Played with my Christmas gift, DJ Hero 2 (DJ Upandadam on the wheels of steel!)

-Watched part 3 of the Overblood 2 Super Replay (Ever since I discovered gameinformer.com I've been addicted to their Replay segments. Nerdy to the extreme, but often hilarious. I would particularly recommend watching the Tail of the Sun Super Replay or the original Overblood Super Replay. Excuse me while I retire to my Nerdery)

-Cleaned the living room a little bit

-Attempted to read about taxes regarding my new business, until my brain hurt (so about two minutes after starting)

-Watched some classic SNL on Youtube

Here ends the list.

I'm always trying to cram as many things as I can into my day, but I still end up feeling like my day doesn't quite register as a day well-spent. I end up wondering if my life isn't quite where it should be and what I should maybe do to improve it. I know that I should look to God in times of struggle instead of relying on my own power, but for some reason that always seems like I'm giving up. Yet I know that God is the living water that fills my soul, so tonight when I was feeling bitter and frustrated I decided to look through my book collection to see if a book looked enticing. I spotted 'Communion with the Triune God' by the Puritan John Owen and remembered the joy that I had when I used to read it. The man has an empowering way with words. This is what I read tonight:

"...what a safe and sweet retreat is here for the saints, in all the scorns, reproaches, scandals, misrepresentations which they undergo in the world. When a child is abused abroad in the streets by strangers, he runs with speed to the bosom of his father; there he makes his complaint and is comforted. In all the hard censures and tongue-persecutions which the saints meet with in the streets of the world, they may run with their moanings unto their Father and be comforted. 'As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you,' says the Lord (Isa. 66:13). So that the soul may say, 'If I have hatred in the world, I will go where I am sure of love. Though all others are hard to me, yet my Father is tender and full of compassion: I will go to him, and satisfy myself in him. Here I am accounted vile, frowned on and rejected; but I have honor and love with him, whose kindness is better than life itself. There I shall have all things in the fountain, which others have but in the drops. There is in my Father's love every thing desirable: there is the sweetness of all mercies in the abstract itself, and that fully and durably.'"

What a blessing it was to read that. I felt in my heart a fullness that had been missing all day.

He even addressed another mindset I've had lately, which is whether or not God can love me when I don't often feel any love for Him.

"'I cannot find my heart making returns of love unto God. Could I find my soul set upon him, I could then believe his soul delighted in me.' This is the most preposterous course that possibly your thoughts can pitch upon, a most ready way to rob God of his glory. 'Herein is love,' (1 John 4:10-11). Now, you would invert this order, and say, 'Herein is love, not that God loved me, but that I loved him first.' This is to take the glory of God from him: that, whereas he loves us without a cause that is in ourselves, and we have all cause in the world to love him, you would have the contrary, namely, that something should be in you for which God should love you, even your love to him; and that you should love God, before you know anything lovely in him - namely, whether he love you or not. This is a course of flesh's finding out that will never bring glory to God, nor peace to your own soul. Lay down, then, your reasonings; take up the love of the Father upon a pure act of believing, and that will open your soul to let it out unto the Lord in the communion of love."

It's amazing to think of God's love being laid upon me even while I struggle at times to love Him. 

And so, my mood was boosted. Thanks to God. And to his instrument, John Owen.